The bobble hat and the ballet shoe

The thing about dementia is it body-slams you. Every day you face the juxtaposition between the past and present, the then and the now, you find yourself sandwiched between the beginning and the end. And pretty soon you begin to learn that really this life we live, the things we do, the minutiae that make…

Hideous Kinky and the golden threads

Do you remember Hideous Kinky? The nineties film starring Kate Winslet, based on the novel by Esther Freud (great-granddaughter of Sigmund Freud)? It documented the childhood of its narrator with her sister and mother, whom uprooted them from London to go on journey of enlightenment to Marrakech in the seventies. Now the trip that my…

On turning 40…

Tomorrow is the first day of my 40th year. It still feels odd to say that, because in my mind, when I think of ‘being 40’ I still have the picture I had as a 20-year-old, 40 seems a million miles away from the person I feel. Many people start re-evaluating their lives when they…

From mummy, with love…

My darling daughter Well here we are in the month that I turn 40. You are only six, but every day there are things I encounter that I make a mental note to tell you. My mum has no capacity to impart any form of life lessons to me now, to be honest she never…

The long goodbye

I’ve been thinking a lot about memories lately. Due to work commitments I’ve been spending time in the town I grew up in. I hated that town, and I escaped it as soon as I turned 18 and made the pilgrimage to uni, and I never went back. Until now. Legend has it that in…

A letter for my daughter…

Tonight we were meant to go to the panto. I have never been to the panto before, not even as a child. And neither have you, as you’ve never really been old enough before. It’s been a hard few days, mummy’s been ill again, but today I woke up, for your last day at school…

Rainy days and Mondays…

So today has been a real shitter to be honest. I am still laid up after what seems like a thousand years and I’m getting frustrated and grouchy. I picked my daughter up to find that, despite me asking countless times, her reading has not been done and her lost-tie-situation hasn’t been sorted. All these…

Paradise found: Life lessons learned

So, I’ve recently put my back out. As if I needed any further reminders of impending middle age, I now have a bad back and make kind of groaning noises every time I bend over (which isn’t often these days, to be fair!). Anyways, this whole back debacle has got me all existential, thinking about…

True confessions of a new mum

Six months ago I embarked on a journey unlike any other. I have travelled a lot in my time, to the far flung corners of the earth, I have immersed myself in different cultures and am familiar with the dizzying intoxication of being in a new place, with people that do not speak my language,…

The trouble with toddlers

A year ago I wrote about my life-changing transition into motherhood. In truth, the change of identity from footloose and fancy-free career woman to ‘mummy’ almost blew my head off. And I had a good baby. A baby that slept through the night from 2 weeks’ old (and I’m not just saying that!), a baby…

Why I’m proud to be a bad mum

I have just spent the morning with my daughter in a children’s play-centre, and whilst there I had an epiphany. I did not like it. Not that I don’t like spending time with my daughter, I do, I love her to bits. It’s just other kids I’m not that keen on. Basically, apart from the…